How has your life been different from what you imagined?

How has your life been different from what you imagined?
How, well that may take some time to explain you see when I first came to this world I thought it as a place of exploration, unending discovery and individual interconnectedness. What I found to my surprise is that it is a prison wrapped in a lined maze of misshapen puzzle entrances to a peaceful labyrinth pathway to a prison. Of course not being deterred the type to be I began to plan my escape.

Now a breakout from a prison like this sort is not easy, being so young I brought this to some people’s attention that I trusted, and well to my surprise they said they knew it was a prison. Yes, knew it was a prison, which at the time caught me quite off guard.
” For God’s sake” I said ” it’s a prison”

To which they replied “Yes, but we like it.”

” Like it?” I responded. ” It’s a prison.”

Of course this did not go over very well with those people who liked the prison and as a result put me under quite a bit of scrutiny. Scrutiny of everything I thought and did, eventually leading to being placed into a area of confinement. The confinement area being two fold, one, of intense education on the benefits of prison life and second, extended periods in solitary isolation. Which, when you are planning an elopement, can be advantageous to your escape, for there is nothing like some time in another person’s dark space to find light that shines on us all, and I have been in some oh so dark quiet places let me tell you. Sure the light may be smaller than an atom and as unclear as fleeting hope, but focused it is, like that of distant stars still shining light long after they fade bringing still warmth, quiet regrowth and unseen radiance to all they touch.

Anyway where am I, ah yes, escaping, which after those ten years I did finally throw off, though it cost me. Got a scar under my chin where my head almost was taken off, emotional shrapnel that still stings when it rains and probably always will, but I got out that first time. Yea first time, because what unfolded after that was the pathway to the next, and the next after that and the one after that. Each with a slightly different build from the last, yet not the same as before, the next with more original obstacles, more obscure clues and more challenging directions, but worth it everytime.

Worth it because with each break in the wall, each exodus from confinement, each doorway to the next, you find not that you left something behind, but the expanded limits of what holds you bound thus bringing you to where you can see more warmth, listen to the regrowth and touch the radiance in all we ever were or will choose to be.

So yes, it has not turned out exactly as I had imagined but to make a long story shot, I am still thinking about it though.

Thanks

Take Care

Just me.

Who has been on your mind recently?

Who has been on your mind recently.

A fellow employee, a boss of sorts in the sense that a manifested created structure can provide individuals with certain access to robe their personae and so when I say boss it is this essence because in fact there is no one in charge of you but you.

So this being known this person and I have been, well, having a discussion. Now because of the particular way into which I view the world, note previous statement, we have not been able to connect on certain points. Points that I believe are important for this individual to understand to further their own career and the altruistic goals of the structure to which we have aligned our-self. The other person of course feels exactly the same, or at least that is my perspective at this point, that I am not understanding them, not acquiesce to the authority of position, or listening effectively and this has me worried so to speak.

It has me worried because I hold this person in high regard. I believe they have worked hard for the position they have. They have every right to take the stand they do, and I would even defend them for it . They have even paid their proverbial dues, but then so have I you see.

The difference is where we have had these challenges take place. It is as if they have been a maker and benefactor of the system. While I have been produced and manufactured by the system. I am therefore what might be titled as a voice of dissension, and they the voice of authority. I am the automobile that can talk back and say ” you know what these brakes they just don’t have the right feel to them”. To which they would respond “well I have done the tests and I have my science to back me up and there is nothing incorrect.” Which of course is a moot point because we are in our way both producer and maker, the benefactor and the manufactured.

So you see this has me some what concerned because I am not trying to be difficult, in fact I admire the system. It has so much potential as a guiding structure, it gives asking only personal growth and strives through the constructive use of opposing forces to see the better sides of all people.

Anyway that has been on my mind recently.

Thanks
J.M.

Where do you want to go?

Where do you want to go?

I want to go where dreams are yours and mine.
I want to go where hopes are mine and yours.
I want to go where there is no you or me.

I want to go inside love  with all that love surrounds.
I want to go inside the laughter with all the smile
I want to go inside me with what is inside you.

I want to go on a trip where the sea meets the see.
I want to go on journey where breathe meets a kiss.
I want to go on a flight where a heart soars in heart.

I want to go in with me as in you.
I want to go as you are as me.
I want to be as we are always now.

Thanks
J.M.

Does living a simpler life appeal to you?

Does living a simpler life appeal to you?

No not really, but it sure is magic once you let it back into your life. Yes that’s what I wrote “back” cause to me the simple life never really leaves it just us who think we are so important that we don’t need it any more.
Kinda like the kid who decides they know everything, do not need to stay home anymore, respect anything that was ever taught them by their mother, or use it to help them to get where they want to go.
On the other hand I guess it is just my way saying that catchy word EGO I see flying all over the place like it is something important, something you need to watch out for like a demon from by gone ages. Fortunately the ego like those demons is just a state of mind.

I know, how can I write that like somehow I know answers that a history of scholars, theologians and prophets have said otherwise to, well because I am keeping it simply remember, and simple is not easy to accept. No far from it in an existence where we perpetuate our greatness, dominance over everything and belief that some how the whole thing was created just for us.

So you see that is why the simpler life does not appeal to me, but I strive to live anyway, not like it is going to go away. So I strive to share a smile where I am able, appreciate each day that comes my way in sun or pelting rain. Accept my errors as a teacher and my faults as a guide. Seeing not this life as something I am owed or have been punished with but simply something I have the privilege to live and create with my every imagined wish.

Thanks
J.M.

What is your greatest enemy?

What is your greatest enemy?

Living within a dimensional place that believes there are enemies to begin with and so I struggle constantly with this barrage of words, images, historically inaccurate writings and socializing agents that promote this idea. It is difficult even on the best of days to deal with this, this state of being aware of who where and what we are about but for some reason refusing to acknowledge the self determination that goes along with it.

It is as if there was a person that came upon the thought they wanted to learn everything there was to learn and were by the association with this thought capable of doing it, but did not know how, only that they wanted to and were capable of the responsibility of it, so set off to find a teacher.

Now in setting off to look for a teacher of this possibility the person realized it would not be easy and certainly difficult to find someone with this magnitude of teaching capabilities, but thought, for the work they had done to get to this point it was worth trying to find someone.
Well as would have it the task was not easy.The person began by looking close to home but each time they approached someone they said they could not help. Others said they would help but after some instruction to our now traveler they noticed it was not about teaching, it was about getting the traveler to do what they wanted.

So finally after years that turned the task of asking a question of a neighbor to a journey that the seeker could no longer remember where it had began or even if it would ever finish, the seeker came upon someone. Yes standing there in front of them as if magically was a unfamiliar looking face, yet a face possessed of a vision and a determination that that seeker had never really seen before. A person so focused that they new this had to be the person

And so pausing the seeker stood quietly before the person listening to the sounds that surrounded them, then glancing up, said to the person straight in the eye.
“Are you the one capable of teaching ” to which there came a pause and the person bowed their head saying softly
“No, I am but capable of learning to teach” where upon the seeker realized that they had finally met the teacher they had thought of, the one person who could teach them what they had always looked for, because they were looking at themself .
Unrecognized possibly due to the distances they had traveled or through the acceptance of talking to that unrecognized part of themselves, the seeker saw, the answers were within themselves all along.

Thanks
J.M.

When do you feel most afraid

When do you feel most afraid,

When my body tells me, when a situation arises, usually in the face of unknown circumstances, that produce an emotional response and cognitive pattern associated with what is otherwise called fear.

Now am I afraid of that fear, no, cause why would or should we be afraid of a naturally occurring event. It would be ,to me at least, like being afraid of a sun rise, the rain falling,living and dieing.

You will pardon me here if I have disappointed anyone I know we make alot, oh a whole heck of alot out of this “fear” thing that we feel and I am certainly not trying to degrade or reduce its importance or any who dwell overly on it as significance, because I do have respect for it. I mean, I have what I hope is a healthy respect for it because it can come in handy at times say when you are coming to the edge of that cliff, or driving, lets say, some what to fast on country road all snowed covered in the middle of a dark foggy night.

So to me fear has purposes but that is far as I let it go and I use it as the tool it is to assist me to advance through a situation not keep from going around it, although in the case of the before mentioned cliff it may be acceptable.

Now I know for some this naturally occurring self element is of great trouble to them, as if they are psychologically allergic to it and once started causes a negative feed back loop that does not free them from it but only increases it magnitude. Which while I can say I have experienced, and did not find pleasurable, I did find my through by removing myself, my person from the situation. I did it by taking some time and observed of myself not necessarily” as the fear” but as if someone “watching fear”. In doing so I was able to reach a threshold and was able to, say as in a horror movie, to observe the fear response as a part of myself based largely from watching the actor,me, be afraid.

Of course this in and of itself has caused me some problems because when you view fear instead of being fear people look at you well, fearfully. You know when you are riding on the back of your buddies motorcycle and it stalls in the middle of a four lane highway with the traffic pouring towards as if flood gates have opened, he’s slamming the clutch, the traffic is getting closer with no place for you to go, and as you look ,no place for the any of the traffic to make lane changes to avoid you when….. suddenly…. out of no where….. the clutch engages and you do a front end lift across the whole four lanes while the traffic speeds past you.

Now the part that gets people is when you get off your buddies bike and say that was awesome I have never been that scarred in my life. Did you feel that wasn’t that the coolest, and of course it isn’t, it was telling you, the fear, be careful the situation looks challenging.

Of course the other problem is those who get addicted to it, those who get off on producing circumstances to assist others to have fear responses because they enjoy it or some how believe it can control others. Well it is their turn now because, I will not stop, nor be concerned, nor cease to pursue such individuals with whatever devices are needed.

You see I will make them smile, make them think the topic is about whatever I want just like they do and before they know it I will have removed however is required this shallow and degrading use of what should be a healthy emotion. What? Don’t believe me, just look into the screen, right there between the letters I am already coming at you …..

So yes you better run,… but unlike before there is no place left for you to hide. So that when I find you and I WILL FIND YOU it may not look pretty… but it will read like a work of art you cannot erase from your memory.

Thanks
J.M.

Who is the most important person in your life?

Who is the most important person in your life?

Who, that would be me, I mean who else would be the most important person in your life, for your life, that is, your interpretation of it, how you choose to freely express it and how you care to serve it is the only one into which you have the say and determination over. I mean you can try to tell, direct or command some else how to live their life but in the end you would only be in fact be making a choice on how you are living yours.

Which in turn if you think about for while could become very frustrating I mean, ever try to tell a two year what they are suppose to do and do you ever think any of  us really takes the two year old out of ourself. I mean think about that for a moment, which thing, person, place or time do you have any complete say in their life of other than your own.

Now as to what the most important person, place, thing and time there is in this world to me and what it has taught me, well, it is has taught me that which is you, and so you are the most important person in my life.

Thanks

J.M.

What are the qualities of graciousness?

What are the qualities of graciousness?

I had the other day, as I often do where I work a patient  or as I prefer to look out at any , a companion traveler, if  I may be so bold. A companion not in the sense of a long lasted friend , a distant family member or even someone to whom two hands have held together, but as special someone none the more or less than I.

Now as it happened this companion of mine was not in the best particular position to continue on this journey of ours, they were… caught in a snare of sorts…. snagged as so many of us can be and do each day . Placed as it were between living the journey and letting the journey live on. Similar in fashion as was shown by the musical group Bread, in the song Diary where after reading his girlfriends personal notes the singer then gives over his own true heart’s love to her true heart’s love, that all that love can be is carried  on no matter which heart it rests in.

So you see my companion was, like in the song,  succumbing to the very notabilities that had assisted them in living the journey and realizing it’s full potential.  My companion was in a way having to choose whether to live as, or with the kindness, determination and compassion they had all their life. A kindness that when their first signs of arthritis flared  and continued to do so did not let them trouble them as much as making sure they were a honest and caring parent to their children. A determination when they had their first heart attack would not let stop them from succeeding  to a position of authority in the company they worked at or permit them from neglecting their family and volunteer obligations. A compassion, that when the arthritis finally stole their ability to walk, the kidney disease their ability to filter , and  heart disease their ability to have surgeries got up into a wheel chair everyday so as to continue to volunteer, visit their children and continue connections with former staff.

No this companion as tired and as worn as they are did not say I am going to let go of these traits. No this companion though they lay in bed unable to move stands with dignity toward each person that comes to their door, rises beyond in listening to any and all who call to the phone and lives on forever in these stories and songs told of how graciousness unfolds.

Thanks

J.M.

What was the best thing that happened to you this week?

What was the best thing that happened to you this week?

It snowed, I know mundane to some, but I like the snow. Then there was the laundry I got to do, that was fun going up and down the stairs. I worked night shift over the weekend and that’s fun, all those extra quite sounds, The Ben/ Zennie tribute over there has been a good thing he is a nice fellow and worthy of the praise as was Terrill before him, but by far the best thing that has happened to me this week was my journey into the FaceBook land.

Very interesting place that Facebook world let me tell you. Getting to meet up with my friends from work and some Gaians as well. Lots of interesting places to go, and farm if that’s your thing, you know it is as if we have gone from a hunter gather channel of life on television to a rural life of digging and ploughing on computers to feed the mind, or moving into the big city after growing up here is this nice small town, don’t worry I will send post cards and filter out the pollution, oh speaking of small town  here is a  song. I carried with me.

Thanks

J.M.

What have you been thinking about this past week?

What have you been thinking about this past week?

I have been thinking about how to do things different for a change. To look at troubles from other perspectives and not always as a burden but as challenges to enrich the minds capacity to think. To find new and unique ways to hold struggle before us and not as trophies to hang our future on, but as a vehicles once through to see more clearly the whole picture.

I have been trying let go of old ways of believing the best is yet to come and let it be in the very breath we are now taking. To release our-self from getting the glory back to letting it be in whatever we say here and now.

I have been considering new ways to stop imaginary wars from killing everyone with make believe peace. To look forward to what there is left to do not backward because it wasn’t done they way we wanted.

And finally I have been spending considerable time and effort trying to figure how to show people that to love your enemy is not about making every person your friend for life, but is more about looking upon yourself with love so that you can make friends and be a peace with all that life is about.

Thanks
J.M.